Apr. 17th, 2014

hummingbirdmadgirl: (Default)
man i still can't get over how good this week's episode of Game of Thrones was. I think it might be my favorite of the series quite possibly, just because it was fewer, longer segments instead of 5 minutes catching up with the 800 million characters. also no matter what the sigur ros cameo was just golden since i think they are my favorite band ever. here's their song from the episode. i also like how even though it was sort of stunt casting it was handled really well. i wish they had done the complete song, if only because it's so novel to hear jonsi singing in english.

in other news, i have just had it with hollywood, or at least the area we live in. i can't tell if it's the area we live in (which while incredibly interesting is also incredibly tourist overrun) or LA in general. it's hard because this is clearly not a city to live in if you don't drive and it's also mind numbingly terrifying to even think about relearning to drive here because it's fucking madness. i know people throw a lot of shade at boston drivers, but they seem like saints compared to everything that goes on out here. plus honestly, at this point i would just love to live in a city that is wholly walkable again, even if it's frigid for 3/4 of the year because i really am starting to lose my shit when we end up in the car for 90min to travel 10 miles. i think i've just developed a serious aversion to being in the car.

i am weird that way. on one hand i deal a lot better with structure but on the other i tend to go bonkers when things get too repetitive. so now that being in the car for long stretches of time is essentially the norm, i want to blow up the car.

i think the earthquakes have been getting to me as well. the first couple years we lived out here, it was apparently an earthquake drought but in the past month we've had a few moderately strong ones. it's bizarre because i've experienced thunderstorms and hurricanes and dealt with half my town flooding (since we generally had flooding/freezing issues every winter even prior to sandy) but earthquakes are something completely different. it's funny, because i play with fire and i know that that's sort of not a terribly adaptive behavior since instinctively we're not supposed to be ok with fire. (and as I mentioned in a previous post I have little doubt that that added to the abject horror of Ander's passing) but for whatever reason i've always been ok with fire. i like, i respect it and i know it can kick my ass, but there's some modicum of control between picking the right fabrics to wear, having a safety, it's all done in a controlled environment.

earthquakes are a whole other issue because no matter what you do, what you wear, where you go, the earth is just doing things that it clearly shouldn't be doing, or can't be doing while the inhabitants on top of it feel at all comfortable. the response to earthquakes feels almost primal, just this "ok this could be big, this is really wrong, this shouldn't be happening, oh christ the tv is going to fall on the dog" and it doesn't feel like anything is safe until it's over and in those first few seconds you have no idea how long it's even going to take. it's bizarre and i don't like it and i don't see myself getting used to it any time soon. it just feels unsafe, like the earth is either trying to swallow you or eject you depending on the severity of the quake or your proximity to it.

and then of course with all the focus on boston this week i've been ten shades of homesick. it's been even harder since [livejournal.com profile] mishak has been posting all of these awesome old photos from 10+ years ago and it just reminds me of what used to be. this of course makes me think that i'm more homesick for a time period vs the city itself, which is obviously a difficult issue to fix since i have not yet perfected the art of time travel. i just know that i don't want to spend much time being nostalgic since that's always a pratfall of mine, and yet i'm not entirely diffing living in the present. i know people here, but we're all doing our own things and i haven't yet found that feeling of cohesion that existed back in boston...we know tons of awesome individuals who have no ties to each other so it just feels kind of scattered. though it also is great to see how much ethan is digging his job, so there's that, and it's a big thing. i just sort of feel over LA, like maybe i should've moved here when i was younger. while i think it's great that i moved here with my spouse, i think that having him as a constant safety has made me less adventurous in some regards. some of the best times i've had ever were when i was single and WAY out of my safety zone because those were the times that i pushed myself the most to try new things, experience new people or places, but when you have someone to work out with or slack off and watch tv or play videogames with, it's almost too easy, especially if you, like me, are kind of lazy or low energy to start off with

LA is ridiculously awesome on so many levels that don't even need explaining...but healthcare out here is atrocious pricewise (especially when you have a rare disease that requires you see specific doctors instead of just aiming for ones that fit within a certain price range) and housing has gone completely out of control if you're a renter. even just in the few years that we've been here, seeing the gentrification that has been taking place is really astounding. when we moved here, DTLA was this scary place you kind of had to be hardened to experience, what with skid row and so many vacant areas, and now condos are going for over a million dollars...

though i think this spring is just kicking my ass. it's been in the high 70's/low 80's pretty much constantly (sorry boston friends) and it's fucking tiresome. we are having this massive drought, it's dry as hell, and the pollen count is through the roof which is driving my masto absolutely insane. so when i see footage of rainy boston i get all nostalgic as hell. even snowy boston looks pretty.

on the upside, even though my masto has been going crazy, at its peak i'm doing LEAGUES better than i was a few years ago. at this point it's been over a year since i ended up in the ER, and even then it was because i'd blown my eardrum flying, which was wholly unrelated to the masto. so my track record is getting stronger and stronger which means i want to start looking for work. i was offered a job as an exec/personal assistant but i don't think that's going to happen (mostly for a bunch of issues on my part i may write about later) and i've been looking into some work from home thing. Plus since Emerson's LA campus is nearby I've been checking their course calendar to see if there's any social media/new marketing courses i can take to brush up on my skill set since so much of what i learned 10 years ago (!!!!) is essentially useless now, or completely outdated. so there are totally positives in life, a bounty of them honestly, i'm just being cranky at the moment.

we will be visiting NY/Boston in August though. my brother-in-law is getting married and we're going to try to spend some extra time in each city/suburb to see what our thoughts are on the east coast, if things have gotten better, if my mindset has shifted to one where i'd be more appreciative of a smaller city again. because if there is one thing i know about me, i always romanticize the past, so clearly spending time in places where the past took place would be a good idea before being all "hey fuck it, let's move to boston" because honestly that is essentially how moving to LA happened, and to some degree that was not the best idea. because really our move out here was kind of insane in terms of how deciding to move and actually committing to moving took place within a matter of weeks. it's funny because i'm impulsive as all hell so my actions don't surprise me as much, but ethan is such a pragmatist and for whatever reason we were like "yeah fuck this place, let's move across the country to a city that we spent all of 3 days in, RAAAAR" and just did it. though i also think that's kind of awesome but is not something we can sustain forever obviously.

so right now i sort of feel like there are two solid options:
1) move to west hollywood which is WAAAAAAAY lest touristy/violent and see if that's tolerable. ethan will have a shorter commute, it's more walkable to things that one actually wants to walk to, it could be a good change

2) ragequit LA this winter. which of course would be kind of stupid since i'll have gone from years of sun and heat to moving to an east coast winter which might drive me out of my skull

my dream would still be to move to new orleans but i just don't see that happening any time soon being as while i'd actually be able to find decent healthcare there, job opportunities would be scarce.

i almost feel like this relates to that whole phenomena where people get paralyzed by having too many choices. we don't have kids, we don't have a strong social network here, we can do anything and go anywhere, and that just makes it even harder to have half of a clue what to choose.

finally - weightlifting. ethan is sort of being my coach at the moment and i equally love it and hate it. i've been doing a bunch of kettlebell stuff (really i wish i was still tracking on fitocracy) as well as free weights and bodyweight stuff. this in addition to running on the elliptical and doing the paleo thing has made some interesting changes in my body. i have a LONG way to go to get to where i want to be, but it's interesting seeing areas tone up. i just need to work on getting leaner too. running is at least meditative and a good excuse to listen to music i haven't listened to in ages (angry industrial RAAAR)

so yeah. that's life at the moment.

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