Bioshock Infinte

So this is going to be spoilertastic but i'll put all that stuff behind a cut.

because i'm a contrary bitch, i totally went into Bioshock Infinite kind of determined to dislike it...I loved the first game, and hearing all the ridiculous praise being heaped on this sequel was getting tiresome. Plus having seen bits and pieces of the game throughout development (whatever they released) it was also obvious the game was changing massively over time (seriously, go look at the 10 and 15 minute long gameplay demos on youtube to see how dramatically the game has changed. i mean hell, 90% of the television commercial never even happens in the game). But seriously, when people are calling it the Citizen Kane of gaming or the most revolutionary game of our time, I'm going to cringe (also for the record, i think that those platitudes should go to Braid or Psychonauts or possibly Rock Band for changing the way we interacted with our consoles instead) - all the BS games, while awesome, are FPS's that happen to have good stories, which doesn't seem to me to be particularly revolutionary in the grand scheme of things. But, there is obviously something to be said for gorgeous FPS's with good storylines...But when a game is being touted as the best thing ever, before it's even been released or played, it puts my teeth on edge a little bit. I tend to think a lot of the massive hype behind this game is due to the fact it's going to be one of the last BIG releases for this generation of consoles, and it's been in development for ages and been delayed a couple times, but whatever. i also sort of felt like while OBVIOUSLY game reviewers were going to tear TWD Survival Instinct apart because it's a relatively unimaginative franchise spin-off (which i still think is unfair. it's not a brilliant game, but if you like the show and want to kill zombies, it serves its purpose), they were also OBVIOUSLY going to laud on the praises for BSI.

i started playing and i thought "jesus, this is essentially the first game, only in the sky and without crackhead splicers"

( massive fucking spoilers for the series so be warned )

fucking hell

so friday i woke up with the most excruciating pain in my left flank. it felt like someone had been punching me all night or something. well it felt worse than that, after having gone through all sorts of minor surgical procedures without anesthesia, breaking bones, and having a bone marrow biopsy, i still feel confident in saying it was the worst pain ever. if not the worst pain, in the top 3. of course i also 10000% knew what it was, my stupid kidney. well more specifically it was renal colic. which, at least according to wikipedia, is the same pain level (if not worse) as giving birth, breaking bones, or getting shot. having broken a couple bones i can certainly agree that this is worse than that, but having never been shot or been pregnant i can't say for certain about the other two. suffice it to say it's super painful.

we went to see some urologist who could see me last minute, and up, lodged right outside my left kidney is a big ass stone. this doctor by the way, was a total dick. generally speaking i've been really happy with the quality of healthcare out here, but when it's bad, it's REALLY bad. just as an example, this guy was making jokes about people having allergic reactions to medication (this being after i said i was prone to having allergic reactions to most pain killers) and then getting bitchy about not knowing enough about masto (as if that were my fault, either for having the disease or for him not knowing about it or the specific anesthesia protocols that come with the disease. for instance, we're gonna have to do lithotripsy or some sort of surgical intervention and i was asking if i could do it through twilight anesthesia (this is how i do pretty much all the surgeries except the hardcore sinus ones) and he got all incensed, how could i possibly understand the gravity or pain that comes along with that procedure, and i was like, "dude, i have already done this once under twilight and i never moved an inch during the procedure" and he seemed dubious, even when i told him it was done at a prestigious hospital in the northeast (mgh). And it's not like i -want- to experience super painful things, but after having had a couple hours of SNRTs after my last experience with general anesthesia, i'd rather avoid it if at all possible. because 15-20 min of pain is a hell of a lot better than having my heart freak out for a couple hours.

but anyway, since it was the friday before a holiday weekend he wasn't interested in looking into surgical options anyway, so i got the standard advice of going home and taking lots of painkillers....which would be awesome if i could -take- painkillers, but i can't. i can take tylenol but i need to space that out pretty drastically because i don't want to fry my liver on top of everything else. and i really don't want to risk shocking under these circumstances because the pain is bad enough, i don't want to add epi to the equation. so i got to just suck it up while feeling like my insides were being ripped apart.

this weekend was spent is some sort of pain induced delirious state (i mean seriously, they tend to prescribe hardcore painkillers for the shit and i had nothing. i totally was getting jealous reading messageboards on how to deal with kidne stones and people were talking about getting percocet or demarol) where i spent most of the time playing bioshock. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a urologist at UCLA as at this point I feel like I've made it through 3 days of sheer torture, i can make it through a couple more if it means i'll be getting the best possible care. but there's no way i way i'm going back to that jerk at cedars. if this doesn't work out, i'll fly to boston to see my old doctor if i have to...but i'm going to be vigilant about my healthcare.


it sucks because i can't really walk the dog in my current state and i feel guilty about it since we go on long ass walks together every day (ethan has been picking up my slack) and that's sort of our bonding thing. i also feel pissed off because i am seriously starting to feel elderly which is ridiculous since i'm only 35. but it's like, i just got over the foot stuff, and now this. i'm going to have my doctors look into my parathyroid since there is no reason i should be getting kidney stones as frequently as i do (most of them are unremarkable and don't require surgery obviously) and it seems like parathyroid can be causing a few of the problems i am experiencing. that's one thing that is frustrating when you have a serious illness(tm) is that ANY symptom you experience ever, you tend to attribute it to said illness. but other things can go wrong and other options shouldn't be explored.

blahblahblah, whine whine whine. at least this is fixable, though as always surgery is a terrifying option.